Axl the Angel

Axl should see the light and perform at our wedding!

Letter #5

March 30, 2006

Axl Rose
c/o Merck Mercuriadis
75 9th Ave # 2R
New York, NY 10011

Dear Axl,

I’m writing again to ask you to perform at my wedding celebration.

There’s been an update on the event music situation! My former roommate from my semester in Sevilla, Spain–Joe “José” Manekin—may be able to fly his reggae band out to the wedding celebration. You can read more about the band at http://www.johnstonemusic.com. They do the reggae roots thing quite well, and let’s face it, nothing says summer party like some SoCa beats. Unless of course it’s you and the rest of Guns N’ Roses ripping down the chandelier!

I was thinking, if we can line up both you AND John Stone (hey, I’m an optimist), you guys should definitely do a few songs together. I’ve seen those old live videos of “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” where you guys break it down Kingston style for a minute or so, and it’s extremely cool. Then, once you’ve eased into the pool with some laid back Marley covers, you can turn on the afterburners and rock your brains out.

Believe it or not, Axl, we’ve got a lot in common. We’re both redheads, we’ve both experimented with dreadlocks, we’ve both been vocalists in bands (ask me to tell you about The Y-Bomb sometime, our college band. Wow!). We’ve both got a temper. We’re both passionate individuals who require creative fuel to live. We’ve both married gorgeous brunettes. We’ve both won Grammy awards. JUST KIDDING! Only YOU’VE won a Grammy award. Just checking to make sure you’re paying attention. Seriously though, we hold a lot of shared personality traits that would make your performance a ton of fun. If you don’t believe me, just give me a call and we’ll go for beers.

Axl, your performance at our wedding celebration would be one of the greatest experiences of our lives, with or without John Stone. I very much hope you can make it.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Best,

Matt Stewart

A New In!

E-mail Axl's lawyer Howard Weitzman and litigiously ask him to get Axl for our wedding!

Jailhouse Axl

Axl should bust out of the slammer and perform at our wedding!

The 10,000 Signature March

A CALL TO ARMS!

When I receive 10,000 signatures on my petition to recruit rock star Axl Rose to perform at our wedding celebration, I hereby promise to hold an energetic, law-abiding march to Axl Rose's home in the Los Angeles area, complete with rock n' roll music. There, with the power of rock on our side, we will undoubtedly deliver from Axl the sacred promise to bless our wedding with a vocal performance for the ages.

Sign the petition!

Letter #4

March 16, 2006

Axl Rose
c/o Merck Mercuriadis
75 9th Ave # 2R
New York, NY 10011

Dear Axl,

I’m writing again to ask you to perform at my wedding celebration.

First the good news: we’ve secured a location for the bash! Sweeping views of Napa Valley, a pool, hot tub, and did I mention the views? The place is twenty minutes up a private road, which means we can keep out the paparazzi. There are some great balconies too; I was thinking we could put you and the band up on the top balcony for a truly a fantastic show. I’d suggest bringing along a camera crew as well; this screams MTV special.

I thought I’d fill you in a little more on our romance—heck, maybe you could even write a song about it for the party. I was in the Peace Corps in Guyana, a country most famous for the Jonestown mass suicide, and Karla was living in Seattle. By all rational accounts, our relationship (which was built on a two-week fling in the party-happy end-of-college period) should have disintegrated. But we wrote letters. And when you’re living in a remote area tucked away from civilization, largely forgotten by your friends and extremely lonely, getting thoughtful letters in the mail from a hot babe is like receiving a bar of gold. Long story short, I left Guyana early and moved to Seattle to be with her. We’ve been together ever since.

Incidentally, I’ve noticed the spat between you and Scott Weiland in the news lately. A word of advice, Axl: don’t go down to Scott Weiland’s level. He’s a drug-fiend with a mediocre voice and maybe three songs I can still remember. You’re Axl Rose, ass-kicker extraordinaire!

Hope to hear from you soon.

Best,

Matt Stewart

Formalwear Axl

Axl should bust out the blazer and sing at our wedding!

Letter #3

March 6, 2006

Axl Rose
c/o Merck Mercuriadis
75 9th Ave # 2R
New York, NY 10011

Dear Axl,

I’m writing again to ask you to perform at my wedding celebration.

Just yesterday the missus and I went up to Napa and Sonoma to scout out locations for the party. We checked out two pretty sweet pads, but they had flaws too. The first place was spacious and open with rows of grapevines, a nice (if small) pool, a barbecue area, and even a small pond with an island. However, it’s right by the main road leading into Sonoma, and the last thing we want is the hum of passing traffic interfering with top-shelf rock n’ roll. The other place was more secluded, up in the Napa hills on a private road with a stunning view of Napa Valley. Unfortunately, it was a little too hilly and hard to get around (we have to consider grandma) and there isn’t really a good location for everyone to congregate in one area and do some headbanging. Unless you count the tennis court, which seemed a little cheesy.

So the hunt continues! If you have any special requests for our wedding, such as a huge stage, professional sound system, a trailer stocked with tequila, etc, please let us know sooner rather than later and we’ll do our best to accommodate you.

Turning to Guns N’ Roses news, I want to congratulate you on setting some June tour dates for Guns N’ Roses in Europe. It’ll be great to get the band out on the road, hear the new material, see you fans, and knock off the rust. The timing couldn’t be better—by the time you finish up abroad, your chops should be warmed up and ready to truly blow the roof off our wedding celebrations (scheduled for late July)! Also, it’ll be a perfect time to release the new album: I’ve heard autographed CDs make excellent wedding presents.

Unfortunately, I haven’t heard from you lately, although I’ve been keeping track of your activities via the news and a few online chat groups. Your 44^th birthday party looked like a blast (you have my belated best wishes!) as well as your recent trip to a Victoria Secret party (hey, how could that NOT be fun?). Along with my wife, family, and friends, I earnestly hope you’ll consider our request to perform at our wedding celebration and make our party one for the ages.

Best,

Matt Stewart