I Caved

And bought the Guns N' Roses "Welcome to the Jungle" ringtone. Axl, that's a little more money coming your way...I'm a good fan, I swear, please play my wedding!

Anyhow, Axl Rose's voice is pretty much the awesomest way ever to announce a phone call. I just hope it doesn't go off during a meeting.

Letter #6

April 11, 2006

Merck Mercuriadis
The Sanctuary Group
369 Lexington Ave
New York, NY 10017

Dear Mr. Mercuriadis,

I’m writing again to ask Axl Rose to perform at my wedding celebration.

As you’ve probably noticed, this is the sixth letter I’ve sent making this request. It is an ambitious request, almost outlandish, but in the end it is awesome and doable. Axl Rose at a wedding. What kind of guy would try to do that—and what kind of mega rock star would comply? Cool ones, both; with a manager unafraid to challenge the traditional thinking on performance venues and willing to make things happen.

Each of my previous letters was addressed to Axl “c/o” you. Sadly, my last letter (dated March 30, 2006) was returned to me with no explanation. I suspect that someone in your organization may have decided that I am an annoyance, a pest, or even a threat. That’s a shame; nothing could be further from the truth.

I don’t want to bother Axl. I don’t want to bother you. I definitely don’t want to hurt anybody (except the occasional bad guy, and even in those cases I support prison time over capital punishment). All I want is for Axl Rose to perform at my wedding celebration this July. He doesn’t even have to go on for long, just a few songs (ideally including “Patience,” “Welcome to the Jungle,” “Civil War,” and “Rocket Queen.” I can’t think of a better way to begin a new life with my wife, and I hope you agree.

Anyhow, I’ve attached the letter that was returned for Axl’s (and your) review. Keep on truckin’, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Best,

Matt Stewart

My Model

I've recently discovered My Date With Drew, a documentary about some guy who took 30 days and $1,100 to land a date with Drew Barrymore -- and nailed it.

See any similarities? Just subtract $1,100, sexual interest, documentarian dreams, and a boring starlet and add 70 days, a reverent fan, and the world's biggest rock star.

Obviously, Drew Barrymore, while easy on the eyes, is hardly the cultural phenomenon that Axl Rose is. And yet she has proved herself to be a pretty cool chick by dating this guy. Axl, I beseech you, don't let this pretty ditz outcool the Captain of Cool, aka you!

Please perform at our wedding celebration!

GNR Songs Performed At My Birthday Karaoke Celebration

1. Patience
2. Sweet Child O' Mine
3. Knockin On Heaven's Door (GNR version)
4. November Rain
5. Rumpason Moon (Just kidding, there was some Chinese song called Rumpason Moon that we couldn't figure out how to stop for a while. Man was that funny!)

My pipes are ready Axl -- are yours?

Sign the petition!